Why oh Why Wednesday - Random

Why Oh Why? Randomness.

I can't think of a serious problem/solution that will cause me to profoundly alter the world this week, so you'll just have to settle for a few of my observations.

Why oh Why does my bedroom collect SO much dust?  I mean, if I wanna get technical (and I don't - 'cause thinking about it too much makes me want to vom) all those dust mites and skin cells from us flipping and a flopping all night long and any new bed linen.  It's a wonder we can walk around in there at all :)  Gross!  Moral of this story:   Why oh why does my room need to be dusted everyother day?

Why oh Why can't I get a mulligan in the game Candy Crush.  For those of you not familiar... don't.  It's an addictive awful game that just makes you so mad!  For those who do... can I get an amen?  My iPhone screen is tiny, come on, I didn't mean to swipe the candy to left, I wanted it to go right!  I could have gotten a sprinkle covered donut hole (if that's what that is?) if you would have just gone right, you stupid jerk face!
One mulligan per game sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

BREAKING NEWS: 
This why oh why just happened.
Oh dear heavens, why oh why did my coworker just text me from the BATHROOM?  Seriously? 
I have no idea why my coworker who works 3 offices away is TEXTING me from his office, so naturally, I reply via text, as opposed to walking down there, why are you texting me from your office?  His reply, I'm in my other office!
OMG.  He said, Only so much time in one day.  Use your time to the fullest.  At least I did not call.

Happy Hump Day Folks!  Have a great rest of the week!

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone had a super duper great weekend.  We did!

Saturday morning: P and I were left to our own devices while he went to work.  And boy howdy, did I use my time wisely, as shown below.  The office was in DESPERATE need of TLC.  I didn't get all organizey cleany; just able to walk all the way in without tripping on a hammer, guitar or box of comic books.  Then, did the rest of the house, luckily, that wasn't as dramatic.  After dad got home we just hung about and played.
Then we got a brilliant idea!  Let's have date night and drop the babes off!  So we did and it was lovely quality time.  <3
Carinos - Chicken Scallopini to go - it was okay, I think it is normally served with prosciutto but they ran out so, they said, hey, let's use bacon!  Clearly the same thing! 
We watched Django Unchained - I give it 3 and 3 quarter stars!  (Ha! Remember Ed McMahon & Star Search?!?)  Pretty good,  slow in some parts, but pretty darn funny.

Sunday - woke up on my own without feet on my head!  Jumped out of bed went to breakfast and hit the grocery store hard and then went on to Lowes for the promised toilet & new baseboards for the hallway.  Went and got the wee one around lunch time and proceeded to play all afternoon.  Didn't touch the toilet or base boards.  But who wants to work when there is a big back porch to scoot around on?  Not us! 
We BBQ'd it up last night, ribs, sausage, and Jalapeno mushroom bread (I die) Oh yeahhhh, we're supposed to be watching his cholesterol.  We'll start again today :)

Wishing everyone a wonderful week! 
(4 day work week for us!  Then it's off to the lake!)

Our first Oreo! 



She wasn't sure what to think about her 5' giraffe on her run way.



Like father like daughter?  I downloaded a bunch of apps for her on the Kindle and she loves it! 



Our office before.  Don't judge me. 



Our office after.  I was so stinking productive Saturday morning!



Install base boards?  I don't think so, a BBQ sounds way better!



Oh hey, remember that toilet I was excited about.  There she is! 
It made it about a foot inside the garage.



994.  That's 6 away from 1K.  That's huge!  Thanks for coming to listen to me ramble 994 times! 



Dear Friday

Dear KFC-

You're KFC.  Let me explain this to you in case you're confused.  You sell Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Meaning you should have CHICKEN ready to sell to me.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds it asinine to go to KFC for them to tell me, "sorry, we're out of chicken"  What?  This doesn't even make sense. 

Do something about this!  NOW!

Thanks,
Jen


Dear Peyton-

We're getting closer baby.  But we still have some work to do about your night time sleeping schedule.  Also, your sleeping positions, why do your feet need to reside on top of my head to ensure you a good night sleep?  Why does your dad get the head end?  And while we're at it, why can't you sleep for more than 20 consecutive minutes in your own bed?  It looks super comfy!  I'll buy you a head shaped pillow to rest your precious tiny chubby feet on!

Love you precious!
Momma




Dear Tunnel Visioned Silly People-   (please note this took a lot of editing :)

There are stupid people in this world that can't help it.  Their God given level of intelligence just wasn't quite as high as others.  But then there are ignorant people.  I'm all for faith.  Blindly following and believing.  That's cool.  But when people ride on certain sides of the political road, either right or left, and you can't even be bothered to consider that their view points aren't the answer - this is where I begin to have a problem. 

I respect your ability to write your opinions on facebook, however, I find you ridiculous when you put blame on ONE person.  Really?  Did you not take high school government?  Do you remember that section on the checks and balances?  Not one man has enough power to ruin every one's lives.  It isn't that simple.

I'm certainly not trying to change anyones view points, all that I'm saying is, you really should listen more often, if you still feel you're right, awesome, be right.  Just don't be such a closed book.

Think about it,
Jen

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.
This is what is in my future for this weekend, joy! (I can be sarcastic all I want - but we all know I'm quite excited)

Installing new toilets in the house!

Go back to your office, Jack!

It isn't common anymore to find someone who is so willing to take newbies under their wings and mentor them in the workplace (at least I don't think it is)
But my friend and mentor, Jack, announced his retirement last week.  Which I knew could come at any day but was still blindsided when he told me. 
When I advanced positions in the company and learned that he and I would be "teamed" up I was thrilled.  We're very similar when it comes to how we work and it was a match made in heaven.  He can walk by my office and say, "you see that?"  meaning an email that came to both of us and I would know exactly what he meant and what I needed to do.  We speak our own language.  I can normally read his mind.  (plus his handwriting, which is a challenge - I'm the official office Jack interpreter)

I was cleaning out some old files and I found a list of expectations that he gave me when we became a team and among them were:

• You are very important
• I want you to enjoy what you do
• The work you do is very important
• We are a team
• It's okay to question each other (and I did on a daily basis :)
• We want to have fun but we have to work hard and be very good at what we do

He always makes me feel important and appreciated.  He is always a fun part to my day.  He was never too busy to stop what he was doing to help me or answer one of my millions of questions.  He had confidence in my abilities, always. 
Above all else, he is a kind man and I will miss him dearly. 

I suppose I am excited that he and he his wife are starting a new chapter in their lives and getting to move to be much closer to their kids, but dangit, the office just won't be the same.

Why oh why Wednesday - Stranger Danger!

So, I was sitting outside watching Peyt tool around in her walker and the little boy down the street (that I've never ever talked to) came up and started circling us on his scooter in my drive way without speaking to us.  So, after 5 minutes, I tell him he should really be concerned about strangers.  He said, yeah, my mom told me to be careful because drivers are lunatics (I should tell you now, that he has a speech impediment and so he says, lunatits - too cute!) and that some strangers might want to steal him. 
And the convo continued like this:
ME: how do you know I'm not going to steal you?
MASON: 'cause you look good, not bad
ME: well, you can't ever tell by looking at someone if they're bad or not
MASON: yeah huh
ME:  Nuh huh
MASON: yeah huh
ME:  Nuh huh
MASON: yeah huh
ME:  Nuh huh
ME: Fine, go ask your mom if you can tell.
MASON:  No, she's crazy.  She has issues.
Bahahahaha. 

It then continues for another 30 minutes and I'm now well versed on which ones do what on Angry Birds.

Why Oh Why is this 6 year old outside for HOURS at a time without a parent at least walking out on the porch to check to see if he's still on our block.  This floors me.  He's 6!  I suppose at least she's telling him about lunatits and stranger danger.

Someone should warn her paper napkins stick to your tongue!

Our Weekend - Documented

The floor is done folks, the floor is done!!!

We did a lot of staying at home.  I did some shopping Saturday.  Got myself a bike and a baby trailer to tote Miss P around in.  And I must say, I rode around the block and real bike riding is harder than spin.  Which I'm happy about in a fitness way but upset about because I kinda felt like I was getting in shape it should be a breeze.  Not.

Well here is a peek into our so very exciting weekend.  Not.  :)  In no particular order...

We did some toe eating!  Wish I were that flexible!

I got new shoes!!!  The sales guy said, people always think they're super ugly til they're on your feet!  Then they love 'em, and I did!  Hi Bella!



He did it!  It's finished!  Now, threshhold thingys, base boards, paint, new doors, new light fixtures and and fancy rug and we're all set!!!





Her new runway!



I think she looks like a cross fit baby with her Juicy Couture socks pulled up like that!  Go Rangers!



Her new teething rice cake.  She could have cared less.  (I agree - I had a bite - tasted like banana alcohol - why would a baby like that?)



We dined al fresco for lunch Saturday. 



Ohhhh, blurry, but the point is still the same...  See that foot of space at her feet?  That's my "side".  She had her foot in my ear all night.  I'm going to need a nap today.



I happen to work in the IRS office building.  Some of these folks were here before 7am.  Turbo Tax people!  JK.
Happy Tax Day Folks!

Friday Letters

Happy Friday!  We made it!  Lots going on this weekend!  Gotta finish the floor, wanna hit the trade days, gotta hit the grocery store, clean my nasty habitat, and all those other wifey duties.  Maybe I don't want it to be Friday.  Just kidding!  Blasphemy!
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! 

Dear Tanning Booth Designers-

My legs and arms are SEVEN shades lighter than my abs (orlackthereof)  midsection.  I'm officially one tan away from being certifiably African American in that region.  I tried to wrap a towel around me but that just left funky lines.  Linds and I have discussed going in together and sitting in chairs while we stick our legs in - I think this would be a brilliant marketing strategy, half clothed group tanning!   Why haven't you fixed this issue?  Get on it!

Dear IRS Waiters -

I get it, it's April 12th and you need to congregate outside the IRS building, but guess what, the IRS isn't the only company to occupy this building.  I feel like you all are the paparazzi and I'm a Kardashian (okay, maybe I like feeling important.. so maybe just bring cameras and harass me a bit and then all would be awesome) or just  Back off!  Also, gentlemen, I know it's 7am and you probably just got out of the shower, but wow, calm down on the cologne.  I can still smell you lingering on my clothes while I sit at my desk. 

Thanks for your consideration,
Jen

Dear fellow new parents and FB friends -

Due to the fact that I'm a new parent and I have no life, the only way I keep up with a social world is through Facebook and I find it hilarious yet sad that I kind of want to go to Crudefest this weekend.  But that would mean getting an overnight babysitter.  And if I get an overnight babysitter I would feel the need to utilize my time WAY better than seeing K-Fow AGAIN.  I would just rather SLEEP!  Ya feel me?  So, someone said it best on Facebook when she said, well, can't go to Crudefest so I might as well go to Stanton Trade Days!  The times, they are a changin'    See ya there girl!

Lifeless-
Jen

Wishing sunshine and super cute shades for everyone this weekend!

Why oh why Thursday - WOWT

A day late... I know I know... but I have a dern good reason.

These guys (actually girls) visited my office and my boss so kindly threw me under the bus to be the guinea pig.

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're actually trying to do here is, we're just, we're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work. So, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day for you?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Bob Slydell: Great.
Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. Uh, I use the side door, that way Lumbergh can't see me. And, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.
Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk but it looks like I'm working. I do that for uh, probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.*

We had auditors come in this week to learn what it is our office does. 

Yes, corporate enjoys the contribution our office is responsible for, yet, no one really knows what it is we do or how we do it.  So these nice ladies came out to figure that out. 

I have trained quite a few people in my day.  However, with someone who doesn't know our business, you start out with broad topics and vague ideas to get them into it.  But in an audit, their favorite word was, why?  I know it's their job to figure out my process, but it's never a step 1, 2, 3 process.  I can do this first and switch steps 2 and 4 if this happens, and step three really isn't necessary and you don't do it if it's in New Mexico.  Explaining this to someone who has no idea what you're talking about is tiresome.  Then I do it so often, I've forgotten half the steps, so I am half ass explaining things because I honestly forgot I did it. 

And that's why this WOWT is late. 

Why Oh Why does the world have professional auditors.  Just ask the admins and the analyst what the best business practice is and we will happily tell you what we think is asinine and how we would work it if we were boss. 

*Disclaimer - for any current or future employers, this is simply a movie script and not the opinions or actions of this blogger :)

So close that I can taste it!

So this weekend we worked on that floor that I promised!  Well, it's a good start but we're still not complete.  I would say we're a good 70% complete.  We stopped working last night around 6:30.  Now, if it were just me working on it, I would NEVER be able to just quit at 70%   So close to being done!  But no.  We stopped.  We're to the point of butting up against the other wall where we have to cut slivers of planks.  I need him to finish this part (he's the measuring and math man)  Close enough is what I always say.  (apparently, when laying floor, that just isn't good enough)

I can't wait to see if finished with the new baseboards up!  I'm already shopping for a rug!

The floor is gonna look so good & I got to use power tools - safety first!

Friday Letters

Dear Orange Shirt Wearing Gym Girl-

Do you see me sweating and panting on my machine?  If I'm doing it right (and I was) I can't breathe very well right now and it makes it especially difficult to do so when I can taste your Victoria Secret Pink perfume on my tongue.  Did you bathe in it?  Soak washrags to keep under your pits as deodorant?  I don't know.  But covering one stink with another is no bueno.  Just remember, two spritz into the air, then walk through the mist. 

Thanks, :)
Jen

Dear Spin Class Participants-

Like Kourtney Kardashian I understand some people don't want to pollute their bodies and want to lead a chemical free lifestyle; cool, I can respect that.  Having said that, I feel as though when you make such a choice, you should respect other's rights to breathe clean fresh air.  Spin class is not taught in an open-air outdoor pavillion; it is taught in a tight quarters, closed door room.  There is no running from that stench.  Second time this week I've had to switch machines to aid in my breathing. 

Thanks,  :)
Jen


I should keep this on me to hand out.

I bet I can get the small travel size ones at  a good discount wholesale! 

Dear Lady at the Grocery Store with 2 Adorable Little Boys-

I'm glad we were doing the aisle dance, where we were passing like ships in the night on every aisle.   Your two young boys are adorable and well behaved in that cart when I know they would rather be having pretend sword fights at home.  Therefore, I am beyond disgusted, saddened and angered when I am making my way around the dairy section and I hear you hollering (that obnoxious I want everyone to look at me yell) "I dare you, I dare you son, I dare you to drop that blanket one more time"  (repeat for about 45 seconds) then your boy finally does drop his blanket (because you won't give up) and you pick up his hand and start smacking it over and over and over.  Now, I'm far from anti-spanking, do what you gotta do - I always say, but those actions last Saturday morning were over the top and attention seeking.  How in the world are your kids so well behaved when you act like you do? 
By the way, no one wants to hear you talking to your mom on speaker phone while you shop.  We don't care how your aunt didn't make it to the bank.

Thanks,
Jen :)

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

She's getting quite mobile.  She isn't crawling yet, but scootin' and rollin' every where!
She got stuck under the coffee table yesterday!

Facebook Official is Out - Blog Official is In

When we found out we were pregnant we didn't wait the proper 12 weeks to be in the safe zone, we wanted to shout it from the rooftops and that we did, 4 weeks preggo, we made it official by putting it on Facebook.  That makes ish real.
But now I feel like that is so juvenile.  Real adults have blogs.  Duh.  Putting it on my blog now makes it real. 

So...
Remember that wonderful new flooring I showed you, ohhhh I don't know, months ago?  It's still laying in my dining room in the cartons.  Well, that ish is getting laid this weekend, I might have to hire day laborers, but it's getting done. 

Monday morning you will have a photo of a complete hallway.  It will be fabulous! 

Wish us luck!
We will need it.

And cause you know I can't post a blog sans picture... this is how I found my kid yesterday, with her pants on backwards.  My mom said she had an awful no good for nothing stinky diaper and my mom tried to make a speedy getaway from the scene of the crime.

WOWW

Why oh Why Wednesday - Why can't I find time to blog?

Serioulsy y'all - I've been carrying my fancy new laptop to bed with me the last couple nights thinking I can get 15 minutes of typing in before I pass out. 

But NO.

I think Peyt has a built in sensor that goes off just as I'm about to be productive.  Quick!  She's napping!  Do the dishes and throw together a superficial blog.  ('Cause let's face it my brain has no time or energy to be profound.)
But then, BAM, eyes fly open and the whinning begins! 
I'm going to have to employ a babysitter just to type. 

Alternative solution:
Maybe, just maybe, I should try staying up later than 8:30. 

Surely, my body doesn't need 9 hours of sleep.  But that's what time the hubs and baby go to sleep and since I was a young wart hog (you know I sang that - I watched LK this weekend) I have a had a dibilitating fear of being alone.  Not in a lonely way, just in a, hey guys, what are you all doing in the living room while I'm stuck in my room kind of way.  I blame my mother.  When I was little my mom wouldn't leave my side.  I always had someone with me.  Traditional first kid syndrome.  But it's followed me into adulthood and now I'm having to put forth effort to be alone.  I don't like it.  Hence the reason that I'm reading (audiobook listening - only while tanning & working out so it lasts longer) Mindy Kaling's, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and other concerns).  It's so funny!  I love her.  I think we would make excellent friends.  I've already started mimicing her sentence structures.  We're destined to be BFFs.

Moral to this blog, I'll try to do better.  A couple nights a week I will stay up for a few extra mintues to throw together some of my random thoughts for your viewing pleasure.  

And go read Min's book so we can all be friends.